Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Ranty blog~

Posted on 2:01 AM by Iwashi
Ya minna. Ranty blog ahead! Warning!

It's one of those days
When my chest feels tight.

I just got a raise.
Happy? Far from it.

Basically saying that the review shows not much has changed,
aside from the coding training.

Concentration/production problems keep cropping up.
This slows down work pace by a LOT.
I can't seem to solve it.
I'm lost, really.

Apparently
things I did which I thought would solve some production problems
Still troubled others.

I don't belong here.

But at the same time, I don't think I can go back home.
It's hard to explain, but
By doing that,
There's a high chance I'll lose this freedom completely.
And most probably lose touch with anything that keeps my dreams alive.
To me, that's worse than death.

In terms of changing jobs,
My qualifications do not give me a lot of choices,
in term of technical jobs, that is.
I envy my ex-colleague, who was in the same boat as I was.
She quit and took a leap of faith,
Going back home and searched for another path.

I need to take a leap of faith too.

I'm still looking for options.
Obviously "working hard to create free time" isn't working
as well as I had planned.

I just want my free time back. Desperately.
I need it to reach my dreams.
I know I'm meant to reach them.
I just know it.

I want to be where I belong.

I'm sorry. At the moment, I feel like exploding Y___Y I might remove this entry when I feel better.

Take care all <(_ _)>
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2 comments:

  1. RERYUJanuary 20, 2011 at 12:03 AM

    maybe then what you need would be to take that leap of faith. :"/ And keep in mind, it'll warrant things that you're not keen on doing but you need to at this point to get where you want to be.

    You can do alot of things, I'm absolutely sure about that. So don't let discomfort or fear get in your way by going out and doing the things you need to do to reach your dreams.

    Maybe it'll involve you going back home (like your friend) temporarily or something but who knows where it'll lead you right?

    Try to have a structure plan of what you want to do, and how you gonna do it. Nothing preps confidence more then you knowing about what you need to do and HOW you need to do it.

    Love ya, and go the distance! :D I know you can do it, so I hope you'll believe me who believes in you eih? ;D

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  2. IwashiJanuary 20, 2011 at 3:56 AM

    Right now, I'm looking for another job >_> Based on my situation, there's a chance that I'll have to get another job before I go back temporarily lol, or else high chance I'll be stuck there and I dont want that. @__@ I'll elaborate when we meet.

    What I'm planning now is get another job (with a fixed timetable, darn it), go home temporarily to rest, and work on reaching those dreams ;D Before I can get anything done, I need free time @__@

    Yeah I'm trying to find where to do that "leap of faith". Aside from looking for a better job for now. LOL. In HIMEKA's case, she moved to Japan =w= Still structuring the plan lol. But it sure feels good when planning it out. haha ;D Im sooo gonna get awesome vocals & drawings skills argh @___@ *moeru*

    Thanks babe ;D Im reading positive books now to keep me strong. <3 I believe in you who believes in meeeeeh <3 <3 <3 > Nothing will stop me @____@

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